Hello, thank you very much for reading this blog. I thought I should write an introductory post. I will be writing about my journey, as one may put it, of my experiences to do with my year abroad. All photographs included in this blog have been taken by myself.
I am currently in my family house in London in a very frustrating part of my life. Day after day since term has ended, I've been waiting for my results. As each friend from university receives theirs, the more annoyed I get that I do not have mine. These results establish my next academic year, either to be spent in Paris or to stay where I've spent the last two years.
I am a mathematics student at the University of Warwick. A challenging degree that was not easy to choose. Since secondary school I enjoyed everything so it was hard to whittle down all my favourite subjects to a few that I would study for GCSE bearing in mind that it would restrict my choices for A Level. The same problem occurred for A Levels restricting choices for a degree. But there was one thing I was excited about ever since I was in secondary school after gaining a excited interest in the French language. I wanted to live and work in Paris.
I remember being hardly able to keep still or even breathe when I was told in year 12 that I was to spend a week in Paris on work experience, the feeling was too strong to describe; a mélange of excitement, fear and anxiety flushed through me whilst I sat on a chair in the kitchen giving the news to my mum.
My degree choice kept in mind my passion for mathematics and French and each establishment I applied to, each course I applied for had to follow the conditions that I wanted to spend a year abroad. And here it is coming ever near but still not knowing if I am actually going.
The first mathematics friend on my course at Warwick, who turns out to still be a good friend of mine, remembers me telling him on the first day that I wanted to do an Erasmus year. The application process and all the paperwork has finally been done. Meeting people who have gone through this experience made me think more about how independent an experience this was. Sorting out your own accommodation, making things happen for yourself, setting up your own bank account, your own French phone number...
Should I really be thinking about these things when there is that possibility that I may not be going due to results? Should I get my hopes up for something I've dreamed for since I was 15? Is it right for a 15 year old to want something so much and be an arm-length's away from their dream 5 years later to have it snatched away from them? Should we dare to dream?
These are all the thoughts that have been going through my head for the last two weeks. No one seems to be in the same position as me so all I can do is discuss my feelings and feel like a broken complaint record. I have made some great friends at university, on my course and through accommodation. I even met my boyfriend at university. It seems selfish that I want to pursue something that I've wanted for so long for myself and only myself. Next year is the final year for a lot of my friends including my boyfriend and I will not be there. It just seems that I will be missing a lot of things next year if I go away, yet gain a lot of personal experience. So the year abroad comes with ups and downs already.
All I can do is wait.
